“Is it Love?” Checklist

I had more friends and my grades were better before I began dating my partner.

I am careful to control or hide my actions so my partner doesn’t get angry.

Before we started dating, I was more outgoing and involved with my family, sports, hobbies, and/or religious activities.

When I am alone, I get a lot of texts and calls from my partner checking up on me and my whereabouts. If I don’t respond, my partner gets angry.

My boyfriend/girlfriend said “I love you” very early in the relationship.

My partner is aggressive in other areas of life: throws or breaks things when angry, bangs fist for expression, and/or smashes walls or windshields.

I feel wrong, stupid, crazy, or inadequate. I apologize a lot. I’m never good enough.

I have been pushed against a wall, kicked, pulled, or hit.

My partner frequently wrestles with me.

My boyfriend/girlfriend has threatened to kill or hurt himself/herself if I break up with him/her.

I have bruises and I feel nervous about explaining them.

My partner has a bad home life: sexual or physical abuse, abandonment, neglect, verbal put downs, and/or parents who abuse substances.

My partner drinks or uses drugs.

Since we started dating, I have a lot of secrets I don’t share with friends or family.

My face or chest has been grabbed by my partner.

I receive a lot of advice from my partner about my friends, hairstyles, or clothes.

I have been pressured to have sexual activity with my partner.

I have been touched sexually without my permission.

My boyfriend/girlfriend and I are sexually active.

My partner calls me unkind names and/or criticizes me in front of others

Relationships grow on a continuum and are always either becoming more healthy or more unhealthy, even abusive. The more statements you marked, the more unhealthy and even abusive your relationship has become.